First steps Im Soooo Excited

Road Trip To Idaho

So My dear Cousin Shalee had never been able to see Colton before besides the million and one pictures that I have sent to her Since he was still In utero. WE had been planning for months to take a road to trip to visit her but then one thing would always lead to another and life would take its toll and needless to say we never would quite make it. Anyhow I recieved a call from her the last week of Feb. saying that if I wanted her and her husband would be coming to pick Colton and I up and that she wanted us to stay for two weeks now At first I must admit that regardless of how close we are and how much I love her when I first heard 2 Weeks I thought wow there is no freaking way I can stay anywhere for 2 weeks as those of you who have children no all to well that traveling with little ones can take a serious toll. I had to rearange several apt. but in the end made it happen she picked us up and we spent 2 weeks to the day and were just brought back home yesterday... Now I do not have as much time as I would like at the moment to write about our trip but I will post later....

Some pics from Coltons 8 month bday

Hockey

Ok so I Am a huge huge Hockey fan I actually used to play hockey:) So I cant help But hurry and post inbetween quarters during this Olympic game... Come on USA Go Go Go!!!!

So I never thought I would ever be here in this place in a million years. Sometimes I want to just slap my self and say wake up!!!

So here I am with my amazing beautiful baby boy who just turned 8 months old holding him in my arms so happy that I am with him and even though he is 8 months now, I still find my self over joyed by the thought that he is finally here after years and years of waiting to become parents. Mixed emotions run through me happiness joy and undying love for my son and yet at times all I can seem to want to do is cry. Cry because my Big plans went right down the toilet the day I heard those nasty ice cold words "Your Right I am seeing Someone else" I couldn't stop the thoughts from racing through my head! what???? Confusion over wrought me I had been suspecting this for some time now but to actually receive confirmation when even though deep down inside you really new the truth there was still that part of you inside that whispered to yourself hey your just being overly sensitive come on you just had a baby you've been together for 8 years your 5 year anniversary is coming up he would never do this to you, Quit being stupid! But then the other voice in your head would whisper something is wrong and you know it! upon receiving confirmation of this I felt as if I wanted to die inside. But then some small part inside of me thought to myself finally at last you know the truth and you know your not crazy!
So here my son and I sit Celebrating his 8 months of life together alone its bitter sweet He has grown so much and I find such joy in all of his accomplishments, His crawling, pulling himself to stand, Clapping whenever he sees or hears someone. As much as I am overjoyed by these accomplishments I still find myself so sad inside at times I never thought Id be witnessing all of these marvelous things alone. I will call his dad to try to share the news but he is no longer interested in hearing my voice I send word though text or send pictures to his works email, and all along I cry inside fighting back the real tears from falling down my face and thinking over and over and over Its not supposed to be like this. Colton was sick the day he turned 8 months old I held my sick baby in my arms caring for him and Holding him conforting him all on my own, I took him to his Pediatricians office and they are so wonderful there they bring a smile to my face i feel joy that I am able to share his being 8 months with someone. I have my mom and brother dad step mom and sisters but its not the same im not saying i dont love them all to death or appreciate each and everyone of them, But like i said this wasn't supposed to be like this But so I fight fight to put a smile to my face and bring the best to each day because I am so happy to be a mother and I would rather be a mother and not have my husband anymore than to still have him and not be a mother. Perhaps this sounds selfish But I love like I have never known before for my son! I replay over and over in my head my husband calling me or coming to the door begging for my forgiveness and It makes me want to slap myself How could i be so stupid how can I still Love someone so much who has caused me sooo much hurt and so much pain. I know this is not going to happen anytime soon if it even ever happens at all.
I don't know why I am putting this out there and sharing this I just hope that if anyone has ever felt this way before that they are not alone!!!

Happy birthday Mom/Grandma

Today was my moms birthday so Colton and I came into town yesterday to visit her we had a great time here are a few pics.

So I love my sons Pediatrician and everyone at the practice

Wow First off I gotta say my sons pediatrician and everyone affiliated is amazing everyone there is so kind and so friendly. they genuinely care about each patient they Know Colton on a first name basis and always work him in same day when needed. In fact it because of them I have decided to start medical assisting school. So anyway I called frantic this morning because I thought Colton was wheezing after taking him in I learned the difference of wheezing and Rattling but hey what can I say i am a first time single mother and I was frantic with all the case of RSV going on I couldn't be to safe. so I called they said i needed to get him in right away just to be safe. It turns out he is fine and advised to run a cool mist humidifier witch I have actually already been doing. (yaaa me pat on the back)j/k anyway they also said keep a very close eye on him because he could turn for the worst in no time but that he should be fine, They checked his oxygen levels they are great and I couldn't be more relieved!
(how sad is it to be sick on your 8 month b-day) yeup he is 8 months old today wow little guy YOur getting so big always know your momma loves you and is sooo proud of you!

8 months old today (WOW)

I cant even believe how fast time is flying it seems almost like yesterday when i first held him in my arms for the very first time and know here he is crawling everyone pulling himself up on everything His little tooth is showing now bottom left and I cant believe how fast this has all happened.
I love you Son more that you could ever know!!!

Swimming Swimming and More Swimming

Colton Has so much of his Mommy in him :) and Just like his mommy he to is a little fishy and loves to swim!

Wow My Little Man has just taken off with the quickness!

I cant even believe it, It feels like only yesterday when I held my tiny little 8.5Lb. baby boy in my arms and now today he stands 29 1/2 inches long and nearly 22 pounds wow its crazy to me. Also I can hardly keep up with my quick little mover he just thinks crawling is way 2 awesome and he just takes off... He then is over come by himself and he gets the cutest little look of self satisfaction! But he should because crawling fast as the wind is quite the acomplishment :) I am soooo proud of hi! I Love My Little Colton!

This Kid I tell Ya is So smart. Im so Proud of you Baby Boy

Wow Im not even kidding you I know every mother thinks that there Child is just the most neatest thing since the invention of the wheel Or whatever it is they say. But no joke Colton rolled over for the first time when he was only a mere 2&1/2 weeks old yes That was not a typo 2 1/2 weeks And He Is now only 7 months old he says Mamamamaaa And the other night he screamed Mommy my family couldn't believe it AS we are currently in St.George visiting with my grandma Renstrom... He also Says Dadadad and Hey. I know he is Mimicking that one from me. Oh ya and he shakes his head and say na na na na (no no no) His uncle Jayson taught him the head shaking part. Hes already crawling around and now his latest venture in life is pulling himself up onto the furniture(sigh) and I have already been giving him big boy cups every know and again i have to help him of course but his pediatrician says its good because it teaches children how to hold there mouth correctly when they talk as to not get a tongue thrust.

First times

Colton has Apple Juice for the very first time on Thursday the 4th of Feb. ohhh my gos it was to cute cute! He Loves Loves Loves It. He couldn't quit licking his lips and was not about to let that bottle go for the life of him....


Colton also went out to Visit Grandpas Horses out in the Backyard for the first time as well. On the 29th of Jan. Well ok actually when he was about 2 months old I let him pet one onetime when we were on vacation in Pang town. But he was to little to even know what was going on anyhow this time around he didn't know what to think. I think he was a bit intimidated because he started to cry... It was sooo cute tho. Oh my gosh I love him!!!

More pics

Another Sleepless Night

I find myself sooo unbearably tired these past few weeks perhaps it is do to stress but the weirdest part about being so tired is that Its almost as if I am to tired to sleep. i find myself waking up withing the hour of falling asleep and then I cant seem to get back to sleep. Whats wrong with me???
At least my little Angel doesn't seem to be having any issues with staying asleep :) although I have noticed that he is fighting me much much much more about going to sleep and for a while there he was waking up every hour or so I think it was do to the adjustment of his Daddy not being around anymore :( He really loves him. well we both do. but what can ya do????

change

So many things have changed I find my self slipping deeper and deeper into depression... I wish I could just snap my fingers and It would make it so that i would be snapped out of this, easier said than done I guess... Thank goodness for my angel, I don't know what I would do without my son, for he is the reason i get out of bed in the morning...

7 months old and change to come

7 months old Today Taken Jan. 25 2010

Wow So much has happened since I last posted so My baby boy is now 7 whole months old (sniff sniff) he looks like hes already a year old he is already in 12-18 month clothing. He sits up on his own Now and and actually crawled a real crawl not just his little army crawl the other day to the remote to the T.V ahahah I so new he could crawl if he really wanted to the trick is just putting something he really wants out of reach and he will crawl to it... :) (ya he is definitely all male)

I am so thankful for Colton I have been going through a very ruff time these Past few weeks. Colton's Daddy my husband decided that he doesn't want to be with me anymore and made us move out. well actually there is a whole lot more to the story but as hurt as I am I don't feel like publicizing it all of over the internet. anyway If were Close you probably all ready know the story. Its hard he was the love of my life and I didn't want this but I have learned that we can not always stop the bad things that happen to us for some reason this has happened and now I just have to have faith and put my trust in The big guy up stairs to help me through this. My little sisters have been a god send to me texting me checking on me and uplifting me. I am going to be moving in with all of them so this is a new chapter in mine and Coltons life. I am going to get things rolling to start Medical Assisting Training And I am looking forward to this.

6 month wellness check up

Momma trying to keep a little Naked boy warm befor the Doctor Comes in..
So today Little Colton Had his 6 Month Wellness Checkup Today...
And I must say he was such a brave little guy... However he broke my heart into about a mazzilion trillion and one million pieces when they began giving him his series of Vaccinations :( poor brave little Baby boy... :(


Right after his shots were taken. Getting All Doctored up with Magic Bandaids. haha


Oh my gosh and you will never believe how much he weighs now... Its crazy he is nearing 20 pounds no joke see for yourself...

So much can happen in such little time

I cant believe my Baby boy is now 6 months old he went from just this tiny tiny little peanut to this smiley,bubbly happy little ball of energy. He sits up now and hes already saying ma ma maaa ma maah and dadadadaada :)today in about 12 more hours or so he has his 6 month check up and another round of vaccines poor little guy it breaks my heart every time he gets his shots. he just looks at me with his big beautiful blue eyes that melt my heart and inside i know hes looking to me thinking mommy how can you let them hurt me like this and it just kills me. will post later to let you know how his check up went!

Way to Long of a day yesterday!!!!

So Patrick thought that it would be a real smart idea to take out our broken down car to his friends he was supposed to have been home at 10:30 and well 1:45 rolls around im in bed of course and so is the lil man and My phone rings. Its my brother in law and terror falls over my heart im scared that my husbands been in an accident or something terrible has happened. and it was bad just not as bad as I had thought Patrick was pulled over because our car is so broken that it hardly stops and it smokes like a chimney. anyhow it was impounded. This all happened on Sat. And we had to wait until he was paid yesterday to be able to get the car out me and my son have to go there to get it out with my mom and when we get there its all secretive like and they have to drive you to a different impound lot and only one person can go and uuugh it was so cold i sat there freezing with my baby boy and if I was cold then I know he probably was as well Ewww I was so mad it was taking forever and then i get a call that the car wont start so everyone and there dog is going over to this other yard and i am not aloud to go to see whats wrong and the car wont start i have to go and buy a gas can take it back to the first lot meet someone who can take it back to the other lot. it was so ridiculous needless to say the car wouldn't start there was this tow truck driver who offered to tow my car for me for real cheep if i gave him my number i had to explain to him that I am married but then he said that if he towed my car i had to give him my number actually anyway so he says hes gonna try to charge the car first so he does it an it still wont start and then. i try putting more gas into the car it still wont start so he says ok its not starting ill just bring it to where yo live I say ok. I go home he tow's the car And then when it gets dropped off here Patrick goes out to start it and what else would happen but the car starting right up I have no idea how it happened And im in trouble and being yelled at because we wasted money on a tow truck and Im like look it wouldn't start I have no idea how it just started now :( But i guess at least it did start. I just am sick of being yelled at all the time over things that are not my fault.
Anyway above is a pick of Colton having fun as always while we were waiting for the release papers to even be able to go to the impound yard in the first place....
ya what a day!!!!

Best Of Friends

Happy Newyear