Some pics from Coltons 8 month bday

Hockey

Ok so I Am a huge huge Hockey fan I actually used to play hockey:) So I cant help But hurry and post inbetween quarters during this Olympic game... Come on USA Go Go Go!!!!

So I never thought I would ever be here in this place in a million years. Sometimes I want to just slap my self and say wake up!!!

So here I am with my amazing beautiful baby boy who just turned 8 months old holding him in my arms so happy that I am with him and even though he is 8 months now, I still find my self over joyed by the thought that he is finally here after years and years of waiting to become parents. Mixed emotions run through me happiness joy and undying love for my son and yet at times all I can seem to want to do is cry. Cry because my Big plans went right down the toilet the day I heard those nasty ice cold words "Your Right I am seeing Someone else" I couldn't stop the thoughts from racing through my head! what???? Confusion over wrought me I had been suspecting this for some time now but to actually receive confirmation when even though deep down inside you really new the truth there was still that part of you inside that whispered to yourself hey your just being overly sensitive come on you just had a baby you've been together for 8 years your 5 year anniversary is coming up he would never do this to you, Quit being stupid! But then the other voice in your head would whisper something is wrong and you know it! upon receiving confirmation of this I felt as if I wanted to die inside. But then some small part inside of me thought to myself finally at last you know the truth and you know your not crazy!
So here my son and I sit Celebrating his 8 months of life together alone its bitter sweet He has grown so much and I find such joy in all of his accomplishments, His crawling, pulling himself to stand, Clapping whenever he sees or hears someone. As much as I am overjoyed by these accomplishments I still find myself so sad inside at times I never thought Id be witnessing all of these marvelous things alone. I will call his dad to try to share the news but he is no longer interested in hearing my voice I send word though text or send pictures to his works email, and all along I cry inside fighting back the real tears from falling down my face and thinking over and over and over Its not supposed to be like this. Colton was sick the day he turned 8 months old I held my sick baby in my arms caring for him and Holding him conforting him all on my own, I took him to his Pediatricians office and they are so wonderful there they bring a smile to my face i feel joy that I am able to share his being 8 months with someone. I have my mom and brother dad step mom and sisters but its not the same im not saying i dont love them all to death or appreciate each and everyone of them, But like i said this wasn't supposed to be like this But so I fight fight to put a smile to my face and bring the best to each day because I am so happy to be a mother and I would rather be a mother and not have my husband anymore than to still have him and not be a mother. Perhaps this sounds selfish But I love like I have never known before for my son! I replay over and over in my head my husband calling me or coming to the door begging for my forgiveness and It makes me want to slap myself How could i be so stupid how can I still Love someone so much who has caused me sooo much hurt and so much pain. I know this is not going to happen anytime soon if it even ever happens at all.
I don't know why I am putting this out there and sharing this I just hope that if anyone has ever felt this way before that they are not alone!!!

Happy birthday Mom/Grandma

Today was my moms birthday so Colton and I came into town yesterday to visit her we had a great time here are a few pics.

So I love my sons Pediatrician and everyone at the practice

Wow First off I gotta say my sons pediatrician and everyone affiliated is amazing everyone there is so kind and so friendly. they genuinely care about each patient they Know Colton on a first name basis and always work him in same day when needed. In fact it because of them I have decided to start medical assisting school. So anyway I called frantic this morning because I thought Colton was wheezing after taking him in I learned the difference of wheezing and Rattling but hey what can I say i am a first time single mother and I was frantic with all the case of RSV going on I couldn't be to safe. so I called they said i needed to get him in right away just to be safe. It turns out he is fine and advised to run a cool mist humidifier witch I have actually already been doing. (yaaa me pat on the back)j/k anyway they also said keep a very close eye on him because he could turn for the worst in no time but that he should be fine, They checked his oxygen levels they are great and I couldn't be more relieved!
(how sad is it to be sick on your 8 month b-day) yeup he is 8 months old today wow little guy YOur getting so big always know your momma loves you and is sooo proud of you!

8 months old today (WOW)

I cant even believe how fast time is flying it seems almost like yesterday when i first held him in my arms for the very first time and know here he is crawling everyone pulling himself up on everything His little tooth is showing now bottom left and I cant believe how fast this has all happened.
I love you Son more that you could ever know!!!

Swimming Swimming and More Swimming

Colton Has so much of his Mommy in him :) and Just like his mommy he to is a little fishy and loves to swim!